i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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