She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
