So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
