How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
