WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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