whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
