upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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