did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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