The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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