I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
