he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
