he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
