I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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