Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
