M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who died my cat blue again?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
