Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize