Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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