I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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