Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
