I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
