Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize