At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
