you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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