Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I see more hoeing in ur future
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