That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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