I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
