I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
