Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
