He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
