Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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