i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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