we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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