no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
