I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
