I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my being single is dangerous.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
