How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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