Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
