Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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