you didnt know i had herpes?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
