I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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