Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
