I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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