Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The struggles of a small town man whore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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