he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
