I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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