I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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