____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
