so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
okay pat passed out under dana's car
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he just fucked me for my cheese..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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