____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
