Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sober January is a disaster.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
