I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
