Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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