This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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