why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize