We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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