i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
