he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
