I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My nipple is on Facebook.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
