i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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