His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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