also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
