So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
