He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
