I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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