I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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